Comedian and writer Eliot Glazer may occasionally get some stuff right, but being gay is not one of them.

Poppers make him dizzy. Parties make him panicked. And the term “guncle” makes him queasy. When it comes to being part of the LGBTQ+ community, Eliot just can’t seem to find his shade of the rainbow, which is precisely why he repeatedly suggests a grayscale one instead (although no one seems to listen).

In a community built around the “chosen family,” Eliot can’t even get adopted.

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Gay is for anyone who fully spirals while shopping for a throw pillow, does breathing exercises before entering a pool party, or has a full-fledged breakdown after accidentally dyeing their fake front tooth bubblegum blue amid a torrid affair with a guy under house arrest. (Okay, that might just be Eliot, but it’s one hell of a story.)