Comedian and writer Eliot Glazer may occasionally get some stuff right, but being gay is not one of them.

Circuit parties make him panic. Poppers make him queasy. And the word “guncle” makes him recoil (“uncle” works perfectly fine, thank you very much). 

When it comes to LGBTQ+ life, Eliot can’t seem to find his shade of the rainbow, which is exactly why he keeps pitching a tasteful grayscale alternative. It’s just more flattering!

In a community built on “chosen family,” Eliot can’t even get adopted.

These essays are for anyone who spirals while shopping for a throw pillow, does breathing exercises before entering a gay pool party, or has a full meltdown after accidentally dyeing their fake front tooth electric blue after a torrid sexscapade with a guy under house arrest.

Fine, that last one might just be Eliot, but it’s a real standout chapter.

Perfect for Las Culturistas listeners, 30 Rock obsessives, and anyone who wishes David Sedaris were just a scooch filthier, Eliot’s stories are laugh-out-loud funny and quietly heartbreaking, a love letter to the glory, chaos, and contradictions of queer modern life, and to anyone who’s ever felt like the odd one out, the minority within the minority, the one who somehow always does it “wrong.”