I'm a writer, comedian, and responsible pet owner. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (but just to eat).

Management: Brian Steinberg at Principato Young | 212-725-0010

Contact: eliot@eliotglazer.com

My web serieses, It Gets Betterish and Eliot's Sketch Pad are worth your time, I promise.

I also created My Parents Were Awesome, which is also a book that you can buy! With money!

Upcoming shows:

1/30/13 Nights of our Lives @ UCB Chelsea, NYC

2/4/13 My High School Boyfriend Was Gay @ UCB Chelsea, NYC

2/14/13 The Rejection Show @ Littlefield, Brooklyn

2/21/13 Found Footage Festival @ Nitehawk, Brooklyn

2/27/13 Big Effing Deal @ 21, NYC

3/8/13 Buttski and Glasscock's New Talent Blowout @ The PIT, NYC

3/27/13 How I Learned @ Happy Endings, NYC

4/3/13 STFU Book Release Party @ Housing Works Bookstore, NYC

Saddest legacy ever.

Saddest legacy ever.

MUSICIANS WANTED

Do you or someone you know play cello, upright bass, or percussion, and you want to help be part of an awesome project? You should tell me NOW: eliot@eliotglazer.com

Braxton Family Rule No. 1: Defy height, BECOME LATOYA JACKSON

Braxton Family Rule No. 1: Defy height, BECOME LATOYA JACKSON

Look, I’m sorry your wife just found out about yogurt, but I’m just doing my job!

Look, I’m sorry your wife just found out about yogurt, but I’m just doing my job!

No one from the Tri-State Area has ever sounded like this. EVER.

Cool, fresh matronly wigs for #gaybros!

Cool, fresh matronly wigs for #gaybros!

Let’s all move in together!

I found Cheri Oteri’s Facebook page.

I found Cheri Oteri’s Facebook page.

nakedmonkey:

Glenn Close and daughter Annie Starke on the set of Hook

Catching up on Damages. Can’t find this scene, though.

nakedmonkey:

Glenn Close and daughter Annie Starke on the set of Hook

Catching up on Damages. Can’t find this scene, though.

Source: nakedmonkey

Could this be any funnier?

“What if Cobrasnake happened on Long Island, but TODAY?”

“What if Cobrasnake happened on Long Island, but TODAY?”

Officially the background on my phone.

Officially the background on my phone.

This is a real television show in Canada, and I’m officially moving. Goodbye!

top5funniest:

Ryan Gosling’s Acting Range

“Williams-boy-ugh”

KIDS DO THE DARNDEST MADONNA’S “THIS USED TO BE MY PLAYGROUND” COVERS AND WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?