I'm a writer, comedian, and responsible pet owner. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (but just to eat).

Management: Brian Steinberg at Principato Young | 212-725-0010

Contact: eliot@eliotglazer.com

My web serieses, It Gets Betterish and Eliot's Sketch Pad are worth your time, I promise.

I also created My Parents Were Awesome, which is also a book that you can buy! With money!

Upcoming shows:

1/30/13 Nights of our Lives @ UCB Chelsea, NYC

2/4/13 My High School Boyfriend Was Gay @ UCB Chelsea, NYC

2/14/13 The Rejection Show @ Littlefield, Brooklyn

2/21/13 Found Footage Festival @ Nitehawk, Brooklyn

2/27/13 Big Effing Deal @ 21, NYC

3/8/13 Buttski and Glasscock's New Talent Blowout @ The PIT, NYC

3/27/13 How I Learned @ Happy Endings, NYC

4/3/13 STFU Book Release Party @ Housing Works Bookstore, NYC

11th September 2012

What an ugly woman. Fat arms. Trout pout. Horse face. I thought a face like that went out with the Ice Age. And those bandy legs! If I had a kid with those legs, I would break them and have them put in braces.

If I had a face like that I wouldn’t leave the house — or at least not without a paper bag over my head. In fact, if I had a face like that I’d probably shoot myself.

I could pass for 60, and any woman would kill to have legs like mine. I’ve been compared to Betty Grable. I still do trapeze. And my legs are straight.

I’ve always been such a positive person.

— Jackie Stallone on being mistaken for awesome Floridian and my pal, Ivone Weldon
  1. paperheartdigitalveins reblogged this from eliotglazer
  2. eliotglazer posted this